He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
