I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
