yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
