i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
