What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
