we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
