I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
