so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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