Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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