Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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