I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
