So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
