Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
