Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
