I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
