Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize