i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
