dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
