Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
