let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
