When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
