there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
