im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Boobs are out for the taking
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
