my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
