I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
