my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
