dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
