At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
please come you make the beer taste better
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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