where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize