hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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