Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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