I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize