i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have post one night stand depression
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