he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
