God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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