Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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