if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
