your parents love me but you hate me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
