sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize