i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
