Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
