I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
