so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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