i just sent this text using only my big toe
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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