she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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