just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
