That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i drank out of a bidet.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
