Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
