Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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