At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this just has baby written all over it
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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