i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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