Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
