My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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