Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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