Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
