i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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