how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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