Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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