when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
