oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
