The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
