dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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