I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
