every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
