meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
