all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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