He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize